The Behavioral Corner 

Hi, and welcome. I'm Steve Martorano. And this is the Behavioral Corner; you're invited to hang with us, as we've discussed the ways we live today, the choices we make, the things we do, and how they affect our health and wellbeing. So you're on the corner, the Behavioral Corner, please hang around a while. 

Steve Martorano 

I'm really enjoying myself on the corner. We hang here making our way now through September. I'm looking forward to the change of the season. I get a chance to use my favorite word "autumnal." No one uses that word except for me. So we hope you'll you know, bring a sweater if it starts to get cooled during September, and we can still hang on the Behavioral Corner. It's also National Recovery Month, which would be reminding you of it's important that we talk about recovery with regard to substance abuse because as heartbreaking is the disease of addiction almost always is and the toll it takes is stunning and, again tragic. The truth is and it's often overlooked is that millions and millions of people manage to find their way through this disease, manage it, get their lives back together the earth under their feet and go on to lead productive and healthy lives. That's a no Recovery Month in September. So we bring people on who we like to refer to as "voices in recovery." There is "nothing like a satisfied customer," as they say in business, and a first-person testimonial can remind people that you know, others have been through this and they have managed to make it that's the case with the with Rebecca B. she's with us on the corner. We're grateful to have her she's going to share her story of substance abuse. And now her successful sobriety and the life she has now Rebecca, thanks for joining us on the Behavioral Corner. How are you?

Rebecca B. 

I'm good. Thanks for having me.

Steve Martorano 

So let's begin to let people know who you are. I know a little about I know you're 29 years old and I know you have had serious problems with substance abuse. But tell us the backstory of, of Rebecca, where are you from? And what was your family like?

Rebecca B. 

So I grew up in Chester County, Pennsylvania, I grew up with both parents in the household and two younger sisters. I'm 29. My sisters are 27 and 28. And, you know, up until about the age of 12, we had, you know, like a white picket fence sort of family, so to say, and at the age of 12, my parents got divorced. My mom moved out with my two sisters. And that's kind of where my story was substance abuse begin.

Steve Martorano 

Well, I that's just a remarkable story. I know your sisters knew we're all very, very close in age, very close siblings, and then through no fault of your own. They break up the three musketeers and you wind up with that. And your sisters with your mother. It must have been a trauma?

Rebecca B. 

Very traumatic. Yeah.

Steve Martorano 

How did that affect you guys? And of course, you guys didn't get to vote on any of this, you were sort of collateral damage here. The girls went off as you said to live in another, another residence that you guys had in Manhattan. I can't think of a different circumstance that they would face. You stay in Chester County. So did you maintain contact with them? Were you still close during that separation?

Rebecca B. 

I mean, I can remember very specific periods where I had contact more with my mom. Because I mean, at the time, I don't think we had smartphones. I mean, I was maybe communicating with my sisters here and there, but very limited contact during those years. But I mean, I remember specific times throughout my substance use like reaching out to my mom almost for help or guidance. But it was very select.

Steve Martorano 

Yeah. And the divorce like most divorces are many divorces was Not achieved easily it stretched over a long period of time you were telling me and your sisters and you reacted to it differently. You told me earlier that the amazing thing when you look at this disease is that it can run through families. We've seen plenty of examples of that, but it can also strike randomly. Your sisters had no trouble with substance abuse, had they?

Rebecca B. 

No, not at all. Nope. 

Steve Martorano 

And you did, we'll find out about the extent of that. Have you ever wondered why that was?

Rebecca B. 

Yes, I have. I also...I mean, I've been almost envious of them. Because I'm sure you know, they obviously like put all of their energy into positive things for like, I turn to substances. But yeah, I mean, I have wondered about that at times. Yeah.

Steve Martorano 

Yeah. You know, I, we've heard stories of families that grow resentful, because they don't understand the behavior of somebody who has this disease. Why are they doing this? They grow resentful, as I said, an angry I guess seeking work the other way as well, if you have siblings and they seem to be okay, there must on some level be resentment about what you know, why didn't they get like this? How come it's me? I certainly understand that jumble of emotions. You say you say you were often envious of them like I can understand that. When did your substance abuse and under what circumstances did they start?

Rebecca B. 

At 12 is when I started using substances

Steve Martorano 

So, take me through that 12 years old is pretty young, what we're dabbling with at that point.

Rebecca B. 

Yeah, so I mean, at the time, I mean, through therapy and like recovery, I'm able to look back and like understand that my dad was left with a preteen girl, and he reacted in his own way and like I'm able to stay today like he did the best he could at that time. But I mean, I basically had free rein, and I was doing whatever I wanted, one with whoever I wanted. And I mean, it started out as like drinking, basically from Friday night to Sunday afternoon. smoking pot-smoking cigarettes. I started smoking cigarettes at age 12. I mean, I just got mixed up with a crowd where, you know, I remember very specific circumstances from those times, but that is where it all took at age 12. Yeah.

Steve Martorano 

Yeah, we're gonna talk about treatment a little bit. Was your, you know, was your substance abuse early on a kind of rebellion? Or were you medicating you could not have been a happy kid separated from your, from your sisters in your mom? What do you think was the impetus for you to start that bad behavior?

Rebecca B. 

Yeah, I think there are a few different reasons. I mean, that definitely, probably number one is self-medicating. I mean, I also had other trauma that i think you know, I told you previously, I mean, I don't think it'd be appropriate to get into it. There was trauma. I was definitely self-medicated, you know, trauma aside from the divorce. I think that also I the way that my life was once my sister's life was also completely different than how I mean I've been raised very structured with like sports and activities and school and academics and all different types of things and vacations. And now like all of that was gone. So this was very new and very exciting. And I think there was some sort of rebellion in there. I think I was looking for attention in all the wrong places. I didn't have my sisters, I didn't have my mom, you know, anymore. I wasn't doing the positive activities that I had been doing my whole life with sports and other things. And I basically put all my time and energy into hanging out with the wrong people and I liked the effect of being high and drunk.

Steve Martorano 

And you had and you had a group which you had been torn apart from your sisters and your and your family. Now, now at least you had a peer group, unfortunately, the wrong wrong peer group, right. What was your what were the consequences of this with you and your dad? How quickly was he aware of your behavior?

Rebecca B. 

I think he was very naive. I mean, I remember specific times, I was getting into a lot of trouble. But as soon as he started to catch on, which is that age 14 is when I went into my first treatment center. It was not just him. It was actually my school that mandated that I went to treatment at that time. You know, I got involved with my first outpatient treatment center. I got involved. I went to, you know, residential treatment for the first time at 14.

Steve Martorano 

What was the principal problem at that time? Was it alcohol or more than alcohol? 

Rebecca B. 

Cocaine.

Steve Martorano 

Cocaine at 14? Where were you getting cocaine or 14? How hard was that to get?

Rebecca B. 

You know, I got involved with the wrong friend group. When I was 14, I quickly befriended a group of seniors. I had gotten in trouble. I had detention. My dad was supposed to come to pick me up after school. He didn't show up. I called one of these friends. They said, "Oh, like my brother works at a construction site nearby at the school like I'll have him come pick you up." And he picked me up. And he was dealing drugs at the time. And I got heavily, heavily involved in cocaine use at that time. And the school did end up getting involved. I mean, they, they gave me therapy and support and got me into rehab after work program. But then ultimately, I couldn't stop. I was sent to treatment and then ultimately I ended up going to an alternative high school after coming back and not being able to remain sober. I ended up being locked up from ages 17 to 19. For drug charges, 

Steve Martorano 

You mean you were locked up in, in a treatment facility or in or in jail?

Rebecca B. 

Went to juvenile prison from ages 17 to 19 on drug charges I caught in Kensington, Philadelphia.

Steve Martorano 

So in the five year period from when the divorce in this and your family is broken up. You went from smoking at 12 and doing marijuana and alcohol to full-blown heroin addiction wasn't her when at that point that got you in trouble with the law?

Rebecca B. 

Yeah, yeah. So when I got out of treatment at 14, I mean, I basically I mean, I, you know, I went through treatment facility where I was by far the youngest in the adolescent program but even though I was still by far the youngest person there, the majority of the girls were talking about heroin. And I left there and I was like, that's what I'm trying next. Want to do that. I got out and you know, I basically stopped going to school. I did stop going to school I was putting on in an alternative high school for it was called Chester County Middle College High school it was for all the kids in Chester County that had drug problems they were put into one high school and that no longer exists either that high school.

Steve Martorano 

I'm not saying to you is that school in Chester County but 

Rebecca B. 

It doesn't exist anymore. 

Steve Martorano 

Yeah. You know what I was sitting here right now this is off the top of my head and I'm certainly no expert here. But it strikes me as you wonder what the idea behind taking cases out of the mainstream of school who need help, there's no doubt and placing them all together whether that's not in one sense, let's get them over here and warehouse them. They almost take you out of the environment that might help you get better and put you in an environment where everybody's doing the same thing. Was that your experience?

Rebecca B. 

Yeah, it was actually located at Delaware County Community Colleges, Exton campus, so we were on a college campus. So we were able to take smoke breaks, we were able to leave the campus whenever we want. It was not monitored like a typical high school. There were other students that were there for like severe mental health issues. But I would say like 80% of the kids there were there for drug problems.

Steve Martorano 

Needless to say, that doesn't sound like it would be a conducive place to get help.

Rebecca B. 

No, it was not.

Steve Martorano 

What was going on with your family during this time? Was there support? What relationship did you have? I mean, you got some serious trouble at a young age what was going on with the family during than?

Rebecca B. 

I can only you know speak from my experience, but I think you know, I can generally say that you don't want help until I mean, help until you want it. You know, my family had intervened, my dad paid for very expensive treatment centers during that time. As a juvenile, I couldn't leave, you know, against the court advice or anything. So that wasn't something that happened till I got older. So I would actually stay at these facilities. But there were times where like, I would convince him to let me leave early. I started going to different states for treatment. I mean, I could go on and on about the measures that my dad did try to take, but I was looking for an outside fix to an internal problem, I was not ready for help. I didn't really want help. And I was very, very damaged. And obviously, throughout the drug use and the things I was doing to obtain drugs and all that different stuff. I mean, the trauma was just starting to pile on top of each other. And I just wanted to keep self-medicating, you know, I mean, sometimes in treatments, they would try one thing or another. Maybe you With like medication or psychotherapy, and it wasn't fixing this internal problem that I had.

Steve Martorano 

Yeah. And your sisters not that they automatically ought to have understood, but did they understand that you were in the grip of a disease? Or did they think you were the bad seed?

Rebecca B. 

Well, I don't think at the time they knew it was like a disease. I mean, anybody who knew me at that point in time like knew that I mean I was really really struggling I was constantly going missing either I was in you know, in treatment or I mean, I was totaling in cars left and right some that weren't even mine. I mean, the list goes on of everything that was happening. Basically anyone that came to contact me knew I had a problem. I don't think my sisters have ever like judged me negatively. I don't they both now understand that it's a disease. I think that no one ever wanted ill will for me or like thought, "Oh, God, like look at her over there doing this." I think everyone knew I was really hurting. You know, they just wanted to help me but no one knew how because I didn't want help. I really didn't at all. No, it was hard. It was hard to be a family member or a friend to me at that point in time because I mean, I all I wanted was the next fix. So it was difficult to be around me. 

Steve Martorano 

So, when you say you were a full-blown intravenous her when user correct?

Rebecca B. 

Yes, absolutely. 

Steve Martorano 

And we'll get to that a little later. But as bad as that is, it gets worse. When fentanyl the deadly additive to her when it's hitting the streets in the past couple of years is introduced to it. We'll talk about that straight ahead though here.

Retreat Behavioral Health 

At Retreat Behavioral Health, we believe in the power of connection and quality care. We offer comprehensive holistic and compassionate treatment from industry-leading experts. Call 855-802-6600 and begin your journey today.

Steve Martorano 

All stories of substance abuse and recovery are the same, except they're different. And you're making that case now more. Multiple trips in and out of rehab are not uncommon at all, although the wider public, I don't think understands that very often they dismiss it as look, that doesn't work. How many times were you in treatment, all told?

Rebecca B. 

I don't know. It's over 30. I've never sat down and counted. But I will say a lot of those trips were like I would get either through the detox process and then you know, get off the taper and step down to like the rehab part of treatment and just leave. A lot of that started happening when I did start using fentanyl because I would go into precipitate of withdrawal so terribly because I wouldn't wait long enough to start the detox process with the detox medication. But a lot of those treatment episodes I left either AWOL or AMA, prior, you know, to treatment being completed. There were quite a few that I did complete, or at least stayed for the majority of the day. But I want to preface that by saying I mean, I'm only 29 You know, it's not like I did 30 plus 28 days, a lot of these were as a couple of days here and there in different places. 

Steve Martorano 

It's one of the things about frequent trips in and out of rehab that I think, again, the general public is confused about is that and you just said it. Very often people go into rehab, not so much to get clean and sober. But to take a break from, from always being on the streets are in trouble. It's I hate to say it's like a vacation, but at least it's a way to go in, catch your breath. Get out as quickly as you can. So you can start all over. It sounds like that's what you were doing, right?

Rebecca B. 

Talking about that aspect. I mean, as a teenager, most of it was consequences. Most of it was either the legal authorities or school authorities or family-like saying you have to go. I was sober from 17 to I believe I was 26 when I relapsed, maybe 20 Yeah, I think I was 26. So when I got out of juvenile prison, I was heavily involved in AI, very heavily involved, and I turned my life completely around. I love AA, I mean 12 step recovery in general. And then I had another traumatic event happened where I had also had a baby. And I stopped going to meetings as frequently. I stopped contact with my sponsors frequently. And then when this event happened, rather than relying on the 12 step fellowship, I relapsed. So, to answer your question, you know, during that time, yes, that was absolutely what was going on. To get off the streets. It was to take a break.

Steve Martorano 

We're going to talk about the turning point, if that's fair to say, the point at which things start to make sense for our guests. On the Behavioral Corner. ReRebecca B. is who we're talking to. A 29-year-old and she's now single mom, we'll talk about the impact of her pregnancy in her new baby on her sobriety in this another story of recovery in September, which is, of course, National Recovery Month.

Retreat Behavioral Health 

At Retreat Behavioral Health, we believe in the power of connection and quality care. We offer comprehensive holistic and compassionate treatment from industry-leading experts call 855-802-6600 and begin your journey today.

Steve Martorano 

So let's talk about....because people are baffled by this, well, you know, you go in all these times, many times you go in for the wrong reasons. Other times, maybe you're a little more serious about it. Looking back now on this on this journey, which is what it is that you were on, to try to get your life back together. When did it start to make sense to you that what you were doing over here was killing you? And you should pay attention when you're in these programs. Do you remember when that started to happen for you?

Rebecca B. 

Yeah, so like, I had had a ton of psychoeducation in treatment, though I mean, I have a college degree in psychology and you know, I mean, I've had a lot of exposure to 12 Steps into different treatment programs. So that was part of the problem was I wasn't willing to have a new perspective or I wasn't willing to internalize that I needed to start from scratch and start everything all over again and to get a new experience. But at the end of that two-year run, I was homeless. My daughter was not living with me, currently, My daughter's father passed away from an overdose so he was not in the picture. So her grandparents were taking care of her. I had lost every penny I'd ever had. I was on the streets in Kensington, and the whole left side of my body had gone paralyzed from intravenous drug use. I like completely surrendered at that point. I don't know. I mean, I, you know, a light bulb went off. Like I was able to have that moment of clarity where I was able to see my life as what it truly was. At that point in time, I reached out to someone and said, like, I needed help and I was willing to do absolutely anything to get that help. You know, I went into treatment and I was willing to do absolutely anything they said and take any suggestions. They have had and completely humbled myself to the recovery process. And, and that's what I got at that point.

Steve Martorano 

Yeah, you know, I yeah, we've heard these stories very, very often. I wish I were capable or any guest I had were capable of explaining that moment of clarity or, or that breakpoint where you were the person suffering from the disease goes, Well, this isn't working, I'm gonna die if I don't do something else. Suddenly, as though someone threw a switch on successful people who managed to get sober. Realize that they don't know the answer. So let me listen to somebody else. So that happens to you. A couple of years ago, or a year and a half ago that you've you finally got your feet under you and took it seriously.

Rebecca B. 

Yeah. So, my sober date is June 24 of 2019. So...

Steve Martorano 

You're going on a little over a year now? 

Rebecca B. 

Yeah. 

Steve Martorano 

And the baby is with you now? 

Rebecca B. 

Yes. 

Steve Martorano 

And how old and how old is your daughter?

Rebecca B. 

She's four and a half.

Steve Martorano 

Were you an active intravenous user while you were pregnant?

Rebecca B. 

I did not relapse until her dad died, which was five days before her first birthday. I had over eight years sober at that point

Steve Martorano 

Eight years sober. He overdoses and that's that's the relapse. You got yourself together when you were in this relationship and you had this baby. And then it all comes tumbling down after eight years, which is a real, real hard stumble. To what extent is it? Did you want to get back to that? I mean, did being a mom encourage you in any way to take it seriously?

Rebecca B. 

Yeah, I mean, absolutely. Absolutely. So I mean, I had actually met my daughter's father in that alternative high school for drug addicts. That's where we met. And we had been together on and off since we were 16 years old. I mean, we had you know, everything on the outside we had you know, beautiful apartment and two cars and great jobs and we were both in recovery. You know, and then like a long story short, you know, when she was six months old, he relapsed and I told him he had to go. And you know, I took on pridefully being a single mom. And then once again five days before her first birthday, he died. And when I relapsed, I was not connected to my 12 Step family, even though they showed off, you know, I was like, just mentally disconnected. It triggered a ton of trauma. I was terrified. And I, I never thought I wouldn't be able to stop because I had forgotten. I mean, that's part of the problem is like I thought, you know, that I would just use to like, feel better, and then I'd be okay. And obviously, that's not what happened. But I wanted to stop every single day that I was using for my daughter. Yeah, but not really for myself. I mean, it wasn't until I surrendered and realized like, I have to put myself in my recovery first to be a mother to my daughter, that it all kind of came together and clicked. First of all, I wasn't ready for fentanyl. I mean, I had been a heroin user and like I went to detox and jump right back. I was not ready for what was about to happen when I picked up the gun. You never think when you pick up like, hey, I'm about to hand over my apartment and my car, and every piece of money that I've ever earned and my job and my child, and I'm just going to all hand it over to this bag of dope. Like that isn't what was going through my head at all. But that's ultimately what happened.

Steve Martorano 

That's what was going on. You caught a very, very fortunate break and that you, as you say, weren't ready for fentanyl because no one's ready for fentanyl. But the people who don't realize it in time, as we know, tragically die. So in that regard, I guess you dodged a major bullet. So, Rebecca, your story, I mean, for people who don't understand this disease or have never seen it in their lives or families, your story is unbelievable. People are sitting going how in the world could you survive those, you know, multiple traumas that you've had to become a successful mom now and sober for over a year. So life is good now better than it was, correct?

Rebecca B. 

Absolutely. Sure. Yeah,

Steve Martorano 

So you know, but you had eight years of sober and I don't mean, I don't mean this in any kind of provocative way, but what's it like for you on a day to day basis with regard to cravings or thoughts that might lead you down the wrong road? Are they a problem for you?

Rebecca B. 

Honestly, I made it when I got sober this time. I mean, I was done, um, which isn't something that I mean, I had been thought I was done a whole bunch of other times, like during those two years, but I genuinely was not obvious because I wasn't ready to surrender and do anything. And I mean, I don't experience cravings, but I am fully aware that they can sneak up and be when they do come, that they're extremely powerful and that you need to be prepared because that's what had happened to me previously. But I mean, I stay on top of my program. I mean, I think if you work a daily program of recovery, and you have gratitude and you've got sober people in your life, that you know, you just take it day by day, and hope Be able to live a life without cravings the way I do, you know, are there times where of course you're like, oh, like stressful and I don't want to feel this way. Yes. But like I, I recognize that that is not the end. I mean, I am unable to look at my daughter now and even let that be an option.

Steve Martorano 

Yeah, well, that's...you know what...there's a blessing for sure. Rebecca B., thank you so much for coming on. You know, I don't expect people in your situation with you, with your story to sit here and tell other people what they have to do. I know it's beneficial for others who are in crisis now or family members who have other people that are struggling to hear this because it can be done as I said, millions of people are living in long term successful sobriety. So, Rebecca, thanks so much. Continued success. What's the baby's name?

Rebecca B. 

My daughter's name is Ava.

Steve Martorano 

Oh, a lovely name. Love it. Yeah, give her a hug. She's your lifeline. Thanks so much for spending time with us here on the corner and sharing that story.

Rebecca B. 

I really appreciate it a lot. Thank you.

Steve Martorano 

Take care and we'll see you back on the corner sometime real soon.

Rebecca B. 

That's it for now. And make us a habit hanging out at the Behavioral Corner. And when we're not hanging, follow us on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, on the Behavioral Corner.